I'm a Student Really

A student of life.

I love to learn and thanks to the shenanigans of the general population (and my energetic children) I get the opportunity to do so, for free, on a daily basis.

Here are some things I have learned recently:

1. Never, Ever wear a dress if there is even a remote possibility that you will be spending anytime in, on, or around one of these.



It's a scary site to behold the rotund rump of a flustered-flabbergasted-frumpy-granny-pantied mom as she descends from the top of this contraption and lands gracelessly on the ground in front of you. Very. Scary.

Thank you for the lesson.

2. If you spill the entire contents of your Sweet Tea onto the table and floor at McDonald's it's okay to simply move yourself and your five kids to another table. No need to clean up at all or alert the Big Mac authorities. Just grab your stuff and git. What? That's not okay? Oh, that's what I thought too, but then I witnessed this behavior and I thought, why didn't I think of that? Just abandon ship, they'll find it eventually, and I don't have to get all sweaty and embarrassed when I go up to the counter like a 4 year old and admit my wrongdoing. Duh!

3. Nine year olds have people to text. This was a HUGE shocker. I mean, I realize that due to my current lack of real time friends, I may not be the most obvious example, but I can say that at the ripe old age of 31 I only have about three people to text on a semi-regular (and by semi-regular I mean weekly) basis. Until recently I found it hard to believe that a 9 year old could fill up an entire lunch hour texting back and forth, presumably, with some other nine year old out there. Amazing. I guess there is a remote possibility that she is actually texting the creepy dude that reads my blog out in the trailer in Arizona, but I seriously doubt it. And besides, the fact that she is texting so ferociously with another child of just her size is almost as disturbing.

4. Girls, or should I say grils (#2's pronunciation of the word) talk too much. All you single ladies could learn tons of tips for man snagging from my 4 year old. For starters, according to my in house love guru, we women take it a bit too far when it comes to verbal expression. He shared this tidbit with his father in one of their most recent heart to hearts. He confirmed a suspicion I've had for years; just 'cause I'm talking doesn't mean he's listening. Hubby clued me into this one years ago, but #2 has taught me that, contrary to my initial belief, selective hearing is less of a choice and more of a condition. Additionally, ladies, you may like to know that #2 believes that body hair removal is a necessity if you are of the female persuasion, boobs and butts are nice if they are soft, and it's less about what you wear and more about how little (apparently my boys have enjoyed the sight of a bikini clad teenage tramp girl at the swimming pool quite a bit this summer).



5. Ice cream cones are fun. I forgot this tidbit in my effort to keep everyone clean. I let the essence of summer, of childhood really, go to the wayside in my haste to not have one more mess to clean. So, sons, for that I am sorry. And, #2, thank you for reminding me that ice cream is meant to be enjoyed in a cone, preferably one of the waffle variety, on a very hot day, with a side of ice cold water. Who cares if it drips and gets your fist so sticky all of your fingers get stuck together? No one. And, does it even matter that you lick it so hard it falls into your lap? Nope, not as long as you lick it up before it slips between your thighs onto the ground. Hope you enjoyed your ice cream lunch, Dudes, I certainly did!

P.S. Today is the LAST day to enter the personalized note cards giveaway. So click here and enter now!

Thanks. For Nuthin'

It's Thursday, so let me say thanks.

To the most deserving recipient of Thursday's Thank You so far.

Thank you, and you're welcome.





Card Reads: Dear Horribly Bad Economy, Thank you so much for allowing me to have more time to spend with my family. Due to the fact that you can't get your head outta the toilet, my employer has informed me that I will no longer be as gainfully employed as I once was. They can't afford to keep all of the people like me, and unless you shape up, my status there will remain uncertain (or nonexistent). Normally I would take this out on senior management by flooding their inboxes with well written letters of disdain. However, I realize that this is not entirely their fault. They too are victims of your butt suckiness. And, I would seek another opportunity, but, Economy, it seems you have ruined all of those too. I am unable to locate a reasonable position that pays more than, say, crap. I encourage you to clean up this mess you have made of my life before something bad happens, something that would require me to beat your poor decision making a**. Additionally, please forward this correspondence to all of the idiots you are in cahoots with. Inform them that they, too, have been warned. It's the least you could do. Oh, and, tell War, Politics, and Global Warming to watch their backs; I'm coming for them. Game on. XOXO, Dumb Mom

So, can you tell who's got me red hot this week, Mama Kat?

When I posted the "No Post Post" earlier in the week, I was in the midst of this whole ordeal; feeling down and depressed and pitiful and stuff.

I didn't want to post about it and jinx any hope that I had of salvaging things.

But, now that I know more, I'm letting the cat outta the bag, 'cause I know some of you nosy faithful readers have been dying to know who stole Dumb Mom's funny.

The uncertainty was just getting me down a bit, making me all annoyingly self pitying and whiny and gross.

I'm thankful that we don't rely on my income for food, or shelter, or transportation. The stress of that would have been overwhelming, because as it was the fear of losing my handbag budget was almost unbearable.

Over it (not totally, but enough to stop being all Eeyore about it, because I know things in life could be WAY worse).

I have since gotten some promising information. For now, I will be able to work some hours (not exactly how many I want, but it's something) as long as I can change my schedule around some and be (extremely) flexible. Better than canned, I say.

So, I'm moving on, and hopeful that things will work out for me there, or anywhere (highly educated, friendly, dedicated, and reliable employee with tons of experience in many different industries, in case you're lookin') because life without handbags is no life at all (plus, #2 needs to go to preschool and he won't be if this doesn't work itself out).

In other news, I am completely over Jillian's cast off Bachelors.

I totally fell in love last night!

With a vampire!

Go ahead and kick me, but I just discovered the joy of Edward Cullen.

I'm gonna buy the book this weekend and read the hell out of it, so please forgive me if I'm not in top form on the blog in the near future, I'm going to be exhausted from reading and working graveyard shift.

P.S. Thanks for all the well wishes on Monday. You guys are the bestes! And, today's card is courtesy of Duck Duck Goose Designs. If you'd like to win some of your own, click here for my giveaway which ends Friday night!

Wordful (Why is it only) Wednesday

Yep, this really did happen.

I'm sure you are wondering how something like this goes down, since everyone knows that a baby should NEVER be left unattended around water; everyone knows that.

And, I'm sure that some of you are dying to type some chastising, you're-an-idiot-who-put-you-in-charge comment to make me question my ability to mother a gnat (don't bother, already slapped my face silly, just to teach myself a lesson).

All I can say is you're right.

Or, you would be if this were even remotely my fault, which it's not.

I didn't tell him to climb up the stairs, sneak into the supposedly child locked bathroom, and climb stealthily into the partially filled bath tub fully clothed (on the contrary, actually, I yelled repeatedly for him to get back to the kitchen post haste, I was wholeheartedly, and predictably, ignored).

I also didn't tell #2 to distract me with some ridiculous request, something about milkshakes and strawberries I believe, right at the precise moment that unattended baby was making his getaway.

And, I am in no way responsible for #1 tripping over...nothing, actually, he just ended up on the ground some how like he always does, and crying out in such contrived pain meant only to garner sympathy (and possibly gain a milkshake and strawberries, while also covering the sound of the desperate unattended baby's escape).

Nor can I be blamed for the entire moan fest of a day, featuring all levels of crying, complaining, whining, teasing, fighting, crapping, sweating, and a whole host of other undesirable verbs, which led to me being slightly put off my game.

Although unwilling to accept full responsibility for this event (it's actually a policy of mine that I never admit to anything until I see the cold hard proof, and by proof I mean a video, fingering me as the one and only culprit), I will admit that I was a bit put off by the days worth of frustrations and, therefore, perhaps not entirely in tune to my unbelievable desperate unattended baby and his evil plot to ruin any hope I had of salvaging the evening (really I just wanted to grab a bowl of ice cream and curl up in front of More to Love, followed closely by The Bachelorette, After the Final Rose. Thank goodness for my DVR!).

Oh, and Hubby was home too, so you can blame him (although you won't because, fight it though you may, you are all governed by this phenomenon, just can't help yourselves).

But, basically, it wasn't my fault.

It was the fault of the crazies I live with and the pressure of the hideous day they gifted me with that led to the break down in my defense, thereby allowing #3 to happily deposit himself into the bathtub, fully clothed, and quite proud of himself.

I spent the entire day wanting to cry out of frustration, never suspecting that I would instead end up crying out of joy. Because even though I was shocked, surprised, and slightly annoyed by his actions, he looked pretty dang silly sitting there in his street clothes all soaped up to his ears.

Mommyhood is kinda funny like that, right?!

It's Over, Sniff, Sniff

Holy Canadian accents, Batman!

Whew! Had to get that offa my chest 'cause the first part of the show it was all I could hear.

I have this strange compulsion to copy accents when I hear them, so there I sat on my couch, feeding #3 mandarin oranges, and pretending I was a Canadian interior decorator named Jill (which is basically what I've done every Monday night for the past 8 weeks!).

Now, before we go any further, if you are some totally undedicated, half-ass Bachelorette viewer who Tivoed the show and haven't gotten around to watching it yet, this is your spoiler alert (even though you don't really deserve one). Turn back now if you are like me and appreciate the surprise of it all.

First of all, I hate Jillian.

Okay, maybe hate is a strong word, but seriously, I fell in love with Kip at the beginning of this episode (I know, late, but better late than never) so why didn't she? He was so cute and sweet and HOT!

Ed. Eww. Ed makes me gag.

The moment Reid jumped outta that Taxi (where was his limo btw, and could he not have like gotten a little dressed up for the occasion?), I thought, YES! There is hope! Hope that it's not Ed. Hope that the person making her happy who she spoke of on the "Men Tell All" episode wasn't Ed.

But, alas, it was not to be.

She didn't pick Reid.

She picked Ed.

I picked Kip. And then I picked Reid. But, she picked Ed?

Why?! WHY?! WHHHHYYYY?!?!

Glad Reid didn't waste his best gear for this crap.

I'm so not looking forward to watching Ed put his girly hands all over her at the After the Final Rose show.

Funny thing is that she (like all of her predecessors) didn't seem 100% on her final decision.

And, if I'm Ed, I'm concerned.

Concerned that Kip or Reid might swoop in on my lady (since they are allowed to come back any time, even if they didn't get a rose, no questions asked) in a couple of weeks when we are back in the real world pretending like it wasn't the helicopters, the exotic locations, and the never ending supply of fine wine that made us "love" each other. The world in which I'm an unemployed, short-short wearer who has the pleasure of being known as mister-can't-get-it-up guy.

Not that Ed is horrible, I mean, he's alright I guess. He just didn't wow me, ya know? I wasn't all smiley when he was on the screen, the way I was for Kip, and Reid, and Michael, and Jesse, and possibly a couple others who went home weeks ago (I know, I'm easy!).

And, I'm not madly in love with him, the way I should be, since it's all about who I love and would choose to spend the rest of my life with if I were given 30 hot, totally into me (except that one winner, aka Wes), guys from which to choose.

Never mind Jillian. Jillian who?

Seriously, though, I do feel a little bad for Ed because he got the most used Bachelorette dress in history.

Jillian spent all day sweating, and crying, and cuddling with other guys in that thing.

Plus, not sure about you, but I felt like my happy tears were exhausted by all the sad tears I had to shed on the two other (better) guys before Ed. This is like the first Bachelor/Bachelorette (except for Womack, who you really can't even count 'cause he sucked) that I didn't cry during the proposal/end thing.

I mean, she totally gave it away as soon as she saw him anyway with her big cheesy smile.

I'm curious how much time elapses between the departure of one guy and the arrival of the next? She looked very over it when Ed showed up, and I find it hard to believe that she was able to pull it together and wipe the runny make-up stains offa her face so quickly.

Even though I think she made the wrong choice (maybe not for her, but certainly for me), I hope to see her and Ed looking normal and happy on tomorrow's show; I'm a hopeless romantic like that.

Although, it would be nice if she pulled a Mesnick, and dumped him for Kip, or Reid, or Michael, or Jesse... Kidding!

It would only be cool if she dumped him for Reid. Anyone else would just be mean:)



P.S. In case you are wondering, while I do take my stalking pretty seriously, I didn't take the above photo of the two love birds. I try to refrain from stalking in real life, unless absolutely necessary, and stick almost entirely to online, cyber-stalking. The photo is courtesy of ABC, just so you know.

The No Post Post *Edited

I consider myself a humor mom blogger.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing most of you would agree with that assessment, and 9 times outta 10 when you navigate over here to PBD you're expecting to have a laugh; at lest a few chuckles.

So, in an effort to not disappoint too much, I'm gonna refrain from posting today.

Because, honestly, people (& things) in my real life are sucking so bad right now it's not even funny.

I'm not gonna do the woe-is-me-everybody-hates-me-f*@%-my-life post one would expect from someone feeling the way I am right now.

I hate when I go to one of my favorite funny blogs and discover that the writer is all down in the diggity dumps, feeling sorry for herself, and making me experience the seven layers of hell with her.

I'm sure you have enough suck a** crap in your own day to day that you don't need to come over here and get up to your elbows in it with me.

Don't worry, I'm not dying and neither is anyone else (that I know of).

It's nothing that dramatic, and I'll gladly share once the issue is all resolved and I've had the satisfaction of laying the smack down on the people causing this s**t storm.

So, since I'm not funny today, maybe you'd like to check out these people, 'cause they are: What Were You Thinking? (something I wonder daily), Scary Mommy (not at all scary), or Mama Kat (we all know and love her, right?).

Or, you can go over here and find yourself on this list, because fact to business, we're all on there somewhere. For example, I'm #151, pretty sure. And, I can say that these are currently my top 3 deservers: #193 (who lives somewhere very nearby me), #169 (will kill on sight), and more than any other at the moment: #188.

And, if all else fails, enjoy this, because swearing babies is always funny. Least, I think so.

The Landlord from Will Ferrell

Have a happy day readers, and come back tomorrow, the Bachelorette always makes me happy:)!

And, if you only came over here to enter my giveaway, here, have at it.

Edited: Thanks guys for not requiring me to be funny! I am feeling a bit better about the state of things right now, but still not able to share entirely. Just need to talk to the people in charge of this H-E-double hockey sticks before I let 'em have it here on the blog. Nothing like the element of surprise, eh! In other news, my local blog is a little more lighthearted, so feel free to check it out:)!

Photo of the Day

He may not have many...



But, he is gonna keep the teeth he has clean!

The kid is literally obsessed with his oral hygiene.

Can't even go into the bathroom without hearing his endless-can-only-be-settled-by-one-thing tirade of, "Bus! Bus! Bus! Teef! Bus! Bus!".

He likes to give them a good sweep at least three times a day, which is awesome (sorta), but we have to keep a "Bus!" in nearly every room of the house.

At least I don't have to worry at all about him having yuck mouth.

Wish he could convince #1 that good oral hygiene is key to social success. He's not 100 percent sold on the idea!

He really thinks I'm lying to him when I say his breath smells like jungle rot.

I am not.


*Wanna enter my giveaway? Course you do b/c you, like all red blooded Americans, LOVE free stuff. So click here and enjoy!

Saturday Swag-urday

It's Saturday again peeps and I have a sweet little down home (she's from the South) stationary company to share with you all.

Duck Duck Goose Designs is owned and operated by Wendy, a mom to four little ones under the age of 5!

Not sure how she finds time to create such gorgeous stuff, but she does it, and they are so stinking cute!

You know I'm a sucker for some cute stationary and she has so many original designs, like this one that she sent to me to try out.



Cute, right. And, in case you are that stalker that's been lurking around here creeping everybody out, my name is not Jessica Hinton, it's just an alias to throw you and all your crazy friends off my trail. Brilliant (rubs hands together all sinister like).

And, she doesn't just make cards. She makes stickers, and bag tags, and t-shirts, and all kinds of other totally perfect stuff that can be personalized (or not) for you if you like.

Wanna win a set of 10 persoanlized cards like this one for yourself?

Of course you do, silly, because free stuff is awesome.

All you have to do is head over to Wendy's Etsy shop, hang out there for a bit, check out all of her awesomeness (don't steal anything!), and then come back here and tell me which design you would like if you could choose any one you wanted.

Contest starts now and runs until midnight on Friday July, 31st.

The winner will be announced on my next Saturday Swag-urday post.

So hurry up and enter already so you can start sending out handwritten thank you cards to all those people in your life that truly deserve them!

If you want to increase your chances of winning just:
1. Follow me here(b/c you totally love me, right? You do, don't you? Huh? Huh? Don't you love me?!). 1 extra entry

2. Follow me on Twitter @thenagainphoto (b/c you totally love me, and you can't get enough of me!). 2 extra entries

3. Tweet about this giveaway (b/c you totally love me, and you want the world to know about me too!). 3 extra entries (1 tweet per person/per day and make sure you Tweet it to @thenagainphoto so I will be able to find it!)

Thanks for looking and feel free to add your own giveaways, contests, and reviews to the Mr. Linky thingy!



PS: Want to order from Duck Duck Goose? Wendy has offered PBD readers a 10% off coupon! Just enter "dumbmom" as your coupon code when you check out to take advantage of this special offer!

Let's Go, Mystics

Don't know who the Mystics are?

Don't feel bad because I didn't either.

When I was contacted about taking the dudes to a Washington Mystics game at the Verizon Center I thought, who are the Mystics? Is that the Hockey team? 'Cause I hate hockey.

Nope. It's the WNBA team that calls Washington D.C. it's home.

I almost said no thanks.

I don't want to take the Metro (even though #2 thought this was the best part), stay out late, deal with the crowds, crap, crap, crap.

And, in case you can't tell (although I think my thighs are pretty good about giving this one away), I'm not much of an athlete.

Even in the days before my thighs (and my butt, and my stomach, and my back, and my floppy arms) told the story, I was more of a rah-rah-shish-boom-bah type of chick.

And, I don't mean the back-handspringing-college-scholarship-seeking-competitive rah-rahs. I mean the OMG!-Becky-look-at-her-butt-do-I-look-fat-in-this-skirt-I-think-he's-checking-me-out-OMG! kind of rah-rahs.

So, needless to say I'm not too into basketball, particularly not when played by females. Really, just not my bag.

But, then I thought why not?

The dudes might like it, and I'm not one to turn down stadium food (if you're wondering, while I'm far from being a sports enthusiast in any sense of the term, I am a huge lover of snack bars, so I will attend any live sporting event, even hockey, provided there are concession stands offering various unhealthy, deliciousness in close proximity) so, what the heck, let's go!

And, go we did, along with two of our favorite people:

BFF (lookin's all cute and stuff)



And, Bruncle (aka Brother Uncle, my brother, their uncle, who has so much in common with the dudes, they used to think he was their brother, hence the name Bruncle).



He's the one hiding in the back of the photo. Yep, that's him, the one with the cheesy (and by cheesy I mean dorky) smile.

I'm so glad we said yes to the wonderfully generous people over at the Verizon Center who run that team because we had a blast!

We enjoyed watching the game (they beat the Chicago Sky 75-64, and since I'm such a bandwagoner it's a good thing or I totally woulda been rooting for the opposing team).

We had some great snackage (hot dogs, chips, soda, popcorn).

The kids got a free bag filled with all kinds of Mystics fan gear including the most annoying funnest set of maracas which they played for the duration of the game (luckily these "prizes" didn't show up until like the 3rd quarter).

And, there were even celebrities in the house: Cedric the Entertainer, some Denver Broncos football player everyone recognized, me.

Kidding!

That football player wasn't even a celebrity.

We even got to meet potential WNBA Rookie of the Year, Marissa Coleman (who, incidentally is a blogger, too!).



I had a pretty good time, despite being nearly struck by lightening on the way there (seriously, it touched down like 10 feet from me, I peed a little it scared me so much), and completely drenched to my soul, leaving me to smell like raw steak for the entire game.

Dumb Mom Tip #1: Do not attempt to pull off a car seat transfer during a torrential down pour or an electrical storm. You could die. And, apparently, if you wait like five minutes it passes and leaves you standing, soaking wet, looking like an idiot, in a sun drenched parking lot. Just sayin'.

Both of the dudes (we left dude #3 at home w/Dumb Dad to prevent me from having to run across the court in hot pursuit of a naked 1 year old, because we all know that's how it would go down for me) gave the experience a thumbs up, too.



Good, old fashioned, family-friendly fun. Who knewthe WNBA even existed it would be so fun?!

And, it's not too bad in price (except for the snack bar, can you say rape?!). A family of five (like mine) can get in the door (at the Verizon Center) for about $75 (not much more than a movie, really) and the nose bleed that accompanies these seats is free!

Check out your local team here, you may be surprised by how affordable these tickets actually are.

And, isn't it worth it to see a face like this?

They Just don't Make Anything Like They Used To

Posts like this always make me feel old.

Reflecting on how much things have changed since I was romping around the playground in my pigtails and my Payless saddle shoes makes me realize that I've been me for like 30 years (a little more, but close enough).

While I still rock the pigtails from time to time (too scared to cut my hair, it's like my comfort object, ya know?!), I have long ago retired the saddle shoes (only b/c they apparently aren't available in size grown up), and reflecting on the way things were reminds me that I'm getting old.

So, when Mama Kat posted this week's assignment, I figured now is as good of a time as ever to blast to the past and reminiscence about the good (and not so good) 'ole days.

Top 5 Things they Don't Make Like They Used to:



1. Windows. Go ahead. Kick me. I finally caved to that pesky window guy (well, actually not that particular one, it was another, equally pesky company that won me over) and got my free-good-for-a-full-year-no-obligation-to-buy-but-you-will-so-want-to estimate. And, guess what? I'm getting new windows! Eleven fancy-schmansy-open-from-the-top-can-not-be-broken-no-need-to-be-cleaned-titanium-thick-and-don't-forget-energy-efficient windows! So. Freakin'. Excited! Because, we seriously need them. We live in an older (not super old, but like mid 90s old) house with wooden everything. It's some style thing with the neighborhood to keep a "natural look and feel". So, our windows are the cheapo, builder installed, entirely wooden dealys. And, when it gets hot, they fog up. When it gets cold, they fog up. When it rains, or snows, or gets foggy...that's right, they fog up. And, when it rains, it is so noisy in here you can barely watch television. So, when the silver tongued salesman came over with his sashes and his samples and his price comparisons, we were easily sold, and jumped on the estimate that was literally half of what it was 2 years ago. Hooray recession! So, out with the old, crappy, windows of the past, and in with the tax credit qualifying, energy saving, windows of today.

2. Fun sized candies. Not sure if I've just gotten so much larger or what, but these fun sized candies are anything but fun these days. They used to be big enough for a happy little treat if they somehow (thanks mom) got snuck into my lunch bag. Might even share a couple with the BFF. Nowadays, they are only enough to tick me off and make me want to grab at least 2 or 3 more packs. And, if the BFF even looks at my M&Ms she's getting kicked. That is not my idea of fun. Fun would be if they crammed about 15 more M&Ms in that little bag and somehow made them equal the same amount of calories. Now that would be fun!

3. Cartoons. This could be taken as a good change or a not so good change, I'll let you decide. But, does anyone recall that Bugs Bunny used to be a foul mouthed, racially insensitive, verbally abusive, jackrabbit with a nicotine addiction? But, he was funny, right?! And, it was cool back then. Smoking was cool. Saying nasty words was cool (still kinda is, I think). And, using some choice racial slurs, cool. Cartoon characters used to get away with all types of stuff that we would be appalled to see our kids watching today. Not sure why it changed so much, but it did. So, now we are stuck with crap shows like Oswald, the slowest moving octopus on the planet. Or, those weird foreign cartoons where the character have the really huge eyes and shout everything.



So, as annoying as these animated little bastards were (see video), I'd take them over the Wiggles any day!

4. Burger King Value Meals. WTH happened at Burger King? Am I the only one who is ticked off about their menu changes? Somewhere along the line, they decided to raise their prices on everything and give you super sized everything to justify it. Did they not see Supersize Me? Now when you go there and order the regular, medium sized, value meal they give you what used to be a large and charge you like $15 for it! Seriously, I don't need 900 calories worth of french fries, and I don't want to pay the same price for them as I would at TGI Fridays (where the food sucks too, but at least they have happy hour. Everything tastes better with a margarita chaser!). The last time the whole family went to that crap hole, it cost us $30! We are a family of four and a half. It shouldn't cost us $30 to eat at Burger King. And, it doesn't make me feel better that they gave me enough food to feed 8 people. In my opinion, they have always sucked, not they just suck WAY more.

5. Playgrounds. I know they think that by removing the metal slides, merry go rounds, and teeter totters they have saved countless children from injury and/or death.



But, I'd like to posit that the new age plastic equipment is not as safe as they'd like to pretend it is. I have empirical evidence, first hand experience with these plastic play lands, and let me tell you, they can be every bit as dangerous as the fire hot, injury producing play grounds of the past (you may argue that my age and increased body mass is a contributing factor here, but I will say that it is not). I can not say enough, however, about the plastic mulch stuff they use. That stuff is what miracles are made of.

And, a bonus one, since we need to get to this week's Thursday Thank You, let's take a look at meat.

From what I hear, meat has changed dramatically, and there are people dying to come to my house, have a sit down with Hubby and me, and spend at least an hour telling me why.

I'm gonna go ahead and pass.

Thank you, and you're welcome (Today's card courtesy of Duck Duck Goose Designs and will be featured on Saturday, so check back for more then!).





Card Reads: Dear Door-to-door Meat Salesman, Thank you for calling my house at least 6 times this week. I was hoping that when I failed to return your calls, you would get the hint. Sadly, you did not, and now I am forced to spell it out for you: I am all caught up on meat. As a matter of fact, you could say I'm a semi-pro meat eater of sorts, as I've been trained by a master (Hubby). I know where it comes from (fat, smelly, slow looking creature), and I know where is goes (the toilet). I even know a bit about all the hormones beef gets, and that sometimes cows are born with like 6 heads, and what not. Got it. Guess, what. Don't care! I don't need you to bring a side of bloody beef to my house and wave it under my nose to convince me to go with your all natural, farm raised, highly expensive (checked your website), home delivered meats. I get that yours are better, but I'm not ready to invest in something like this. When I am, I'll let you know. Until then, Costco is fine for me. It's a recession, dude. Stop calling. XOXO, Dumb Mom

P.S. I actually do care about meat hormones, and I try to make healthy choice for the dudes and for me, but you know, sometimes I gotta get gangsta like this so they will back up off me. Those sales people are RELENTLESS!

Wordful Wednesday

Yesterday was...interesting.

In order to prepare the dudes for the above to take place, they both had to get a little of this.



Yes, dear friends, this is the apparatus through which laughing gas is administered.

And, apparently, in the words of my very eloquent 4 year old, "It was good. Very, very good."

I am curious about why they call it laughing gas (a problem Goggle could undoubtedly solve were I not a lazy sack), because there was no laughing involved.

They were too relaxed to laugh.

Which was exactly what the doctor dentist ordered: Calm, relaxed, easy to work with dudes.

Because without "laughing gas", there probably would have been a large amount of puke, and the definite possibility of violence.

As many of you know, #1 has an overactive gag response that makes any type of dental procedures (including noninvasive tooth counting) a walk on the could-soon-be-covered-in-barf-up-to-your-elbows wild side.

And, another largely known fact, #2 has a temper like a wolverine, which is easily ignited by anxiety, embarrassment, or essentially any sort of major discomfort. Which means, the laughing gas was essential to prevent the dentist, his assistant, and any other human beings who sought to interact with Mister Mad (aka #2) while frightened, from losing life or limb. His actions can not generally be trusted when he is overcome by fear, and I was not prepared to face a law suit from the dentist from #2 stabbing him in the throat with the sharpened end of a tooth brush.

So, they masked them, they gassed them, they did their business, and they gave them a toy that shortly ended up under the front seat of my car never to be seen again.

It was, quite possibly, or most uneventful dental visit to date (since previous visits have included me attempting to peel #2 off of my person and cajole his rigor mortised body into the chair)

And, I, awesome mommy that I am, rewarded everyone with a trip to see Harry Potter.

It. Was. Awesome.

The Bachelorette: A Look Back

At the losers.

I love the reunion show.

You know, it's the one where they show all the stuff the contestants (that's what they really are, right?) said "in confidence" to the camera (which is like a huge oxymoron) while stinkin' drunk. And then, all the contestants ('cause it's just as bad if not worse when the contestants are women) act all awkward as they try to explain-defend-and-cover-their-totally-exposed-asses or, pretend that they are really the shiznitz (think Juan trying to stir up crap w/Dave in the presence of security) and meant every inappropriate word they said.

It's awful and hilarious all at once.

I seriously sat there with my mouth open for portions of it.



Let's start with David (you know, the one dripping swagger from his pores). David and his man code was way too much for Jill to handle. But, I am not totally against having my rear end complimented (probably just me, though, since it hasn't happened in say, at least 10 years), any way I can get it. And, a little groping might be nice, too.




And, Juan. Don't know why all the audience ladies were clapping for him tonight (possibly his obviously rehearsed responses to events/people he has had plenty of time to reflect on). Could be it's because they felt a connection to him since he. Is. A. Woman.



My boy Jake. I like him and I think he got a bad rep just because of the way he looks. I sympathize with him (since it happens to me all the time) for being judged by the way he looks. It's hard for people like us, who look perfect, because people automatically think we think we are perfect. In my case, it's true, but apparently in his case, it's not. He has some issues (and I do too honestly, the first one being that I don't look perfect, but secretly wish I did) to work out, like getting over a chick with whom he spent about 48 hours, but managed to fall desperately in love with.



Wes. Wes. Wes. Still a douche, but apparently he's also a punk since he didn't bother to show up. And, I'm just curious about whether this actually helped his career, since pretty much everyone who saw the show thinks he (and that played out song) is wiggity wack.

Best part of the night was watching drunken Ed do his thing.

Hilarious.

I have a thing for happy drunks.

They are fun (you can have those testosterone-infused-dying-to-punch-someone dorks that seem to populate college bars).



Oh, and seeing Michael again. My sweet, sweet Michael. He didn't say much, but he really doesn't have to, does he?

And (this is the last best part, I swear) the outtakes. I love outtakes anyway, but those were pretty good. Gives me something to look forward to in the future. I can imagine that my house full of boys is going to be perpetually laced with the rancid smell of farts.

Yeah for me!




Down to two. Who is it gonna be?

PR Nightmare

As you all know, there are occasions in which me and the fam receive products from companies or PR people or wherever. I get numerous offers a week, but only accept the ones I think we are really interested in trying.

When this happens I generally designate a small amount of space on the blog to discuss my opinions regarding the particular product.

I make sure to include my personal opinions about it, and I always write these in my own words (as in they don't tell me what to say, if it's awesome I say so, and if it sucks, I say that too.)

On other occasions we (I guess, me really) are approached to write reviews (for cash) about various products and places.

Generally, in these instances the company usually includes blocks of words and/or links that they require you to use in your post. Sometimes, the chunks of required words are small, or consist of a couple of links. Other times they are essentially paragraphs that set the tone and (pretty much) opinion of the post and the item.

I DO NOT do these types of shameless product propaganda reviews.

I NEVER write reviews for items I haven't tried or places I haven't been.

And, I don't write reviews for companies that want to tell me what to say in my review. You know how I feel about bullies.


Not even for cash.

Some people do this.

I'm not one of those people.

Not because I can't use the cash; 'cause I totally can.

It's just something I'm not comfortable with.

It feels a lot like lying to me. They tell you what to say, and the tell you how to say it, and they give you the proof to support what they are telling you to say. And then, they tell you, "Oh, and we don't want you to say we gave you money to do this, 'cause, you know, that might make people not believe you."

I'm all for lying when necessary (ie. Hubby asks, Did you finish the cookies?". I say, "No, the kids did.". Or, kid asks, "Do you have any more cookies?". I say, "No, Daddy ate them.". See, necessary lying.).

This sort, that really doesn't benefit me at all, is just not necessary. I'm not even really a "review site" (although I'm not 100% sure what I'm considered).

I do reviews that fit into my overall theme (which, in case you didn't know is Awesomeness and how to be it) because I like the product (or thought I was gonna like it before I actually tried it).

I do reviews on items my family uses regularly, or places we go, or things we do.

And, I do these because I like to.

I like getting free crap (who doesn't it?).

And, since I generally only accept crap I know I'm (probably) gonna like or use, I don't mind writing about it.

Plus, I like to share things that I think you guys might be interested in.

Do I care if you buy it?

Nope. (PR suicide, perhaps.)

Do I get any benefit if you buy it?

Nope. 'Cause if I did, I might care, right?!

That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

And, I may be chocking on it soon since I inadvertently probably ticked off some other (way more popular) bloggers about this opinion.

Apparently, this topic is a source of major debate over on Mom Dot at the moment.

They (among others) are planning a full out PR Blackout (for various reasons that I won't get into here since I'm not sure I fully understand and I think I've done enough to make them hate me, so yeah. But if you wanna know, click on the link) sometime in August when they will not be talking to any PR people at all.

I got in on the debate (which I didn't realize was so heated since I didn't read the initial post, or the responses, or anything. Just did the whole speak before you think (or research) bit) and accidentally (on purpose) pitted myself (or at least my opinion) against the head honcho over there.

I'm not too concerned about that, since she probably won't even notice little ole me and my big mouthed, uninformed opinion, but I am concerned that this whole thing is such a huge issue.

I just don't understand why people are so up in arms about it.

I don't get why anyone cares if I want to spread my bloggy legs like a $2 hooker for PR reps and companies pushing their free stuff on me.

I'm not gonna go the route of the review-anything-for-a-buck-flashing-in-your-face-buy-me-buy-me-buy-me-ad blogs (sadly, no one wants to advertise here anyway), and I'm not gonna sell out to "the man" (always wanted to say that!).

But, if you want to do that, and it works for you, and your readers are down for it, rock on.

I don't think I'm awesome enough to have a blog focused entirely on myself, or what I buy, or like, or do, to garner any support from any where.

I'm pretty sure you all come here because you like to read about the dudes and sympathize with them for having such a underachieving-uncreative-largely-misguided-pig of a mom.

And, possibly to laugh at me having near death experiences with playground equipment.

But, I plan to continue doing the occasional review/giveaway (I know you guys like free stuff to, right?!). And by occasional I mean pretty much every Saturday. Some of them are of free stuff I got from companies, some of them will be stuff I bought (or want to buy like this cute bag)

So if you hate my reviews (and apparently, someone hates me for some reason b/c I lost a follower. Didn't know people ever actually quit following someone. I mean, if I got fed up, I would just not read anymore, but apparently, this person was so annoyed/irked/irritated/or possibly disgusted by me, that they went through the trouble of un-following me. Obviously this event has upset me because I really like to know why people hate me. Not so I can make improvements or anything, just so I can talk crap about it on my blog, encourage people to disagree with the Dumb Mom naysayer, and in turn, rebuild my confidence which is so easily bruised by the mean people of the world), do yourself a favor and don't visit on Saturday.

But, be sure to come back on Sunday (if you like pics of the dudes) b/c I'm gonna be doing Photo of the Day every Sunday, just 'cause I want to:)

Photo of the Day

July 19, 2008.



July 19, 2009



Today is a big day (kinda, sorta, but not really) for #3 (more for me than for him, I guess).

He is 18 months old!

He may look like a big boy, he may act like a ruffian, but to me, he's just my baby.

Happy 18 Months Day, Stinky:)

And, sorry you celebrated by busting your teeth through your bottom lip.

Hopefully our next milestone will be marked with a happier event.

P.S. In case you're concerned he is fine. No stitches or anything, just a little blood. I put a tourniquet around his neck to stop the bleeding, so I think it should be good. Kidding! He's totally fine, just a couple of teeth marks on his lower lip. Looks like he's been hanging out with those dudes from Twilight.

Saturday is Swag-urday!

My kids are groupies.

They all are easily swayed by creative (actually doesn't really need to be that creative), child centered, loud mouthed, repetitive advertising.

If you shout it at them, put it to a catchy tune, say it a billion times, or dress it up in a jazzy costume, they will want it.

Doesn't matter what it is, strange, body contorting workout equipment, fancy do-everything kitchen utensils, magical flying toys, present it correctly, and you've got my dudes as lifelong groupies.

Our experience with Wat-Ahh! was no different.

When Ms. Cameron's big brown box landed on our doorstep last week it marked the beginning of a lovely relationship between her product and my children.

First, let me start by saying that Wat-Ahh! looks, smells, tastes and acts (almost) exactly like water. No artificial flavorings or coloring or anything. It's just water (and some added vitamins in some).

My dudes already have an odd love affair with the stuff (possibly because they enjoy getting it from the refrigerator's in door dispenser) so getting them to choose water over juice or soda (which they are not allowed anyway) or even milk is really not hard.

But, even though they already love water, they were initially a little disappointed, and flabbergasted, to receive a box of water. (We don't drink bottled water, ever. #2 refuses to drink "sink water" as well. We drink filtered water from our fridge.)

"Why would someone send us water," they asked?

"We can get water from the fridge," they explained.

"Is it safe, 'cause you know bottled water isn't safe, I saw it on the news. Is this the same kind as that, 'cause if it is I'm not gonna drink it," #1 (the safety inspector) informed me.

"Are you sure it's only water," the anticipation was killing #2.

So, 30 seconds after bringing box 'o Wat-aah in the house it was being ripped open and tried.

They were mildly disappointed to confirm their suspicions (that someone sent them water), but they were also thrilled by the sight of the bottles.

Wat-Ahh! comes in these skinnier bottles (easier for little hands to hold) featuring a big mouthed, screaming boy on the label. For whatever reason they loved this and spent the next few moments imitating big-mouthed-screaming-logo-boy by making silent screaming faces while they drank their water.

See. Groupies.

Doesn't matter in the least that they already like to drink water, or that what they are drinking from the fancy schmansy bottles is the exact same thing they can get right outta the fridge (except for the fact that some Wat-Ahh! is infused with some elements to enhance your bones, or increase your energy or brain power, but you can't taste it).

They like the packaging, so they like the product. (Pretty sure that was Wat-Ahh! lady's primary goal (to make more visually pleasing products to get kids interested in choosing water), so way to go Wat-Ahh! lady!)

They asked me for more Wat-Ahh! later when we left for the park, and again when we got back.

And, when I informed them it was all gone they gave a heartfelt, "Ah, Man," and got a cup from the fridge.

So, looks like Wat-Ahh! was quite a hit @ Casa de Dummies.

And, wanna know who else loves Wat-Ahh!?

Katie Couric! And, anything a celebrity likes is at least worth looking into, right?!

Have your own set of water lovin' (or hatin') groupies at home? Check out Wat-Ahh; might do the trick!

Tell 'em Dumb Mom (and Katie Couric) sent ya:)


*This will be a recurring series @PBD so look out for it every Saturday as a way to promote (and sometimes even giveaway. Gasp!) some of the items that have generously been (or not, since most of the stuff I buy anyway!) shared with me and my fam. And, I think I'll add a little Mr. Linky to help you all share fabulous finds and giveaways here, too. All I ask is that you leave a comment here or link back to PBD there. Totally don't have to, but, you know, I'd so love it.



PS: You have to click the link to see them, in case you were wondering where they all are (like I was)!

This Week @ PBD

In case you are confused, I'm making a new acronym for my blog (b/c I got it like that) since I'm tired of writing the whole name out. We are gonna abbreviate it as PBD from now on (thanks, Mimi).

So, yesterday was a huge day for me, right?!

So many people came to Casa de Dummies and said all kinds of nice stuff about me, and the dudes (& even Dumb Dad).

I didn't get the impression that any of the well wishers were actually a mobile taxidermist sitting in a trailer in the Mojave Desert. Except this one comment...

Kidding! Everyone was normal, and sweet, and amazing!

SITS is such a great network for bloggers and I'm so happy that they picked me to be the featured blogger yesterday allowing me to share my knowledge (or lack thereof) with the world.

In other news, my dudes learned to swim this week!

This is a skill that #1 has been struggling to acquire for years.

Countless swimming classes have failed him in the past, and I literally thought that we would be the parents to the only teenage non-swimmer living in a lake oriented community.

I've had nightmares about the social abuse he would incur by never learning to swim. By being excluded (or being the only one whose mom has to chaperon, 'cause I'm not letting my non-swimming kid kick it at the beach unsupervised) from the various bonfires and boat parties for which this area is famous (okay, maybe not famous, but like tons of high schoolers around here know about it).

But, alas, my excuse for being there to witness my son's first kiss has been taken from me, because the kid is like a freakin' fish!

Gone are the days of him frantically flailing about the moment he travels a little too far towards the deep end and finds himself up to his ears in water.

No more whining, crying, and complaining because we suggest that he jump in the pool (instead of using the stairs to wade in).

The kid was doing canon balls yesterday! CANON BALLS!

And, #2 pretty much whipped the whole swimming thing too, but I sorta saw this one coming. You know, since he lives his life with anything-you-can-do-I-can-do-better-brother-in-yo-face-sucka as his creed.

He saw Brother (what he calls #1 because he NEVER uses his name) was going to be labeled a swimmer this summer, and instead of allowing the kid one shred of glory, one minute to shine, he learned to swim too.

No effort, no struggle, no nothing.

Just, "Oh we're learning to swim now? Okay, I got this."

He's kinda awesome like that (almost makes up for the fact that he is also a temper-tantruming-verbal-abusing-brother-bullying-misfit. Almost.).

So, all in all, good week!

The blog was introduced to the world (thanks again SITSgirls).

The dudes learned to swim.

And, I met (in real life) some awesome local bloggers (Scary Mommy, Better in Bulk, Chicken Nuggets of Wisdom, and Barely Domestic Mama), with only minor incident: #3 did his public puddle drinking routine, again (pretty sure he uses this as a crowd pleaser b/c he likes the attention), and receive an overwhelming number of gasping, mom produced "NOOOOO!"s. Thanks for that, son. But, other than that #2 didn't punch anyone, and #1 didn't fall and break anything (and neither did I), so I think we made it into the cool Maryland Mom Bloggers Club, I think?!

Summer can officially end now.

Biggest. Day. Ever.

That's right, people.

Today is the biggest day of my life. Okay biggest day after birth of #1, birth of #2, birth of #3, my wedding day, the 2 days I graduated from college, the day...

Let's just say today is a pretty big day for me.

It's the biggest day of my virtual-all-encompassing-I-am-totally-obsessed-may-need-intervention-life.

Today I am being featured on SITS!

So, isn't it only fair that this week's Thursday Thank You (card provided by My Mimi Pie)is for the SITS girls?! They are my idols (and by idols I mean people I Twitter and blog stalk shamelessly) anyway and they totally deserve it.



Card Reads: Dear SITS Girls, Thank you for featuring my blog on your site today. I am so freakin' happy! I only had to wait like 4 months for my special day which is no time at all when you check your email hourly as you anxiously await your day to be introduced to loving bloggers round the world. The only place I'd rather be today than featured on your site is in Vegas for SITScation. And, if someone loves me enough to SPONSOR me I'm there. Kidding! I'm so there. But, if I get a sponsor I can stay at the Venetian instead of earning my keep at the Bunny Ranch. XOXO, Dumb Mom

As you can see, I am so excited to have tons of lovely bloggers spend an entire day at my place (no offense, but so happy this isn't my real life house, 'cause I am not a fan of company of the all day sort), I might poop myself with excitement!

So, welcome, new friends, old friends, people who are gonna hate me when they are done...everyone.

And, let me introduce you to the staff.

Please direct all important financial, psychological, medical, emotional, culinary, hygienic, local, current event or celebrity news related questions to Dumb Mom.



Despite being arguably the most intelligence challenged, she is the only one at all likely to know the answer. The other staff members couldn't find and elephant in their sock drawers (not for lack of ability, for lack of effort). So, start at the top and work your way down. Dumb Mom is definitely the top.

Should the question be history (as in American Civil War era particularly) or sport related, your best bet would be Dumb Dad, more commonly known as Hubby because he rebels against his moniker, but exemplifies it daily (sorry, Hubby, it's true). Any questions directed here are unlikely to be answered as he feels the Internet is a danger zone and most of you are probably creepy old dudes having your way with my photo (or perhaps my boys') in your mobile home bathroom. If you are, please stop.



Your remaining options are as follows:

#1-Resident gamer and graphic novel extraordinaire. Recently learned to read and is using his skill for evil (ie standing behind me & reading emails over shoulder...GET AWAY, KID).



#2-Affectionately referred to as the evil genius as he employees subterfuge and intrigue (aka booby traps and temper tantrums) in a desperate attempt to take over the world. Watch your daughters ladies, and yourselves really, age is not an issue.



#3-Specializes in mud butt, but is also our in house foodie (and by foodie I mean he will eat anything you give him regardless of it's taste, texture, or edibility; if it fits in his mouth he will attempt to swallow it).



And, if you are a classically trained blogger stalker then you will want to go here, here, and here to learn more about the dudes.

Enjoy your stay. Ask questions, make comments, stick around for a bit (aka follow us).

We (and by we I mean I) are way dumber than we look, but we make up for it by being funny. Hope you agree!

Wordful Wednesday Update Post

Anyone remember this post?

Spooning?

Yeah, didn't think so.

Because three months ago I didn't have many followers, or commenters, or people who accidentally happened by my blog from another blog on account of another blog that is actually good.

It was pretty much a place for me. And Mimi. And BFF. That's it.

But, nowadays, people surprisingly come by on a regular basis to tell me what they think about my writing, and my pictures, and, well, me.

It's not always nice, but it mostly is.

So, thanks, you know, for making me feel a little special.

Obviously, I don't get to feel special all that much these days because I'm busy making other people feel all special every day.

But, that's my job.

I'm supposed to be the scapegoat for when people lose their homework, forget to do their chores, or arrive to practice late.

I am the one who is "ruining" their lives because I "hate" them so much and want them "dead" or "lost in the forest".

And, I am to blame for their latest injuries, illnesses, and heartaches since I am a sabotaging, careless, filthy mother who doesn't clean their rooms, or pick up their toys, or arrange play dates enough for them.

Shame on me.

So, to thank you readers for your kindness, your willingness to make me feel good despite all of the aforementioned shortcomings, I've decided (in an altruistic moment meant solely to make you happy and not at all to overcome my current writer's block) to update some of my older posts; the ones most of you have no idea even existed.

Feel free to comment on the old ones, and/or the new ones, and/or neither (that last bit is for those random evil people who can think of nothing nice to say, and feel it is their duty to suck up every happy person's joy by being mean, ugly, and all around sucky. Boo mean people.).

So here you have it, #3 and his new found ability: actually getting some morsels of food from a plate to his mouth without use of hands (okay, maybe a little use of hands).










So, maybe he was cheating in that last one, but much better, no?

What a difference 3 months makes!

It was almost a fantasy...

So, I watched the Bachelorette last night. Surprise!

No, I always watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette. I'm addicted to the romantic story that it weaves for me to follow.

But, I do have some issues with it.

For starters, who can't fall in love in a helicopter above Maui? I could fall in love with Cookie Monster in a helicopter above Maui. Okay, not a good example, because I could fall in love with anyone, anywhere who smells like cookies. Point is, I'm not Paris Hilton so the likelihood that I will ever be in a helicopter flying over any place romantic with someone I'm hot for is virtually nonexistent. I'm sure that is the case for most people (at least it better be or I'm really annoyed).

Also, I'm convinced that most relationships formed on the show are inherently doomed for failure (and there is a track record of break ups to support this point). I just don't see how you can fall in love with two or three people and then break up with them in the name of love for one. How can you be making out with a guy on Saturday, break up with him on Tuesday and then get engaged to another guy on the same day? I just don't think people can turn their feelings off that easily. And, it's hard for a relationship to survive and grow when one person was essentially cheating on the other (Ask Kate, she'll tell you). Not to mention the fact that the dude you pick has actually seen you with the other guys (you know they watch the show, if for nothing else then because they want to see themselves on TV). It's just weird. Especially when it gets down to the fantasy suite point. Your fiance was boning another dude like last week and you're telling me you're cool with that. Riiiiight.

But, alas, I'm a sucker for love (even when I know it ain't going anywhere), so I watch and I swoon and I fall in love with every one of the guys (excpet for the Jerks like Wes whose antics I was kinda missing last night) just like she does.

So, here it is, top five moments from last night's Bachelorette

5. Jillian cursed in front of a pastor. Nice. So I can stop feeling all awkward about the choice words that BFF and I exchanged while shooting our last wedding. Although, in our defense, it wasn't an actual church exactly, it was more like a 1970s shopping center turned church, so yeah. We may have forgotten once or twice that we were at "church". They should really invest in some religious regalia for that place.

4. Reid demonstrated the fact that men's inability to communicate is not a stereotype, it is a fact. If you ask a guy how much he likes you and he says, "This much," (envision arms open wide), you may want to be a little frightened for the future of your relationship. Although, as a wife of a communication challenged spouse, I can say that it can work as long as you don't mind if every story you share is greeted with an emotionless, "Oh, yeah?" As in, "Hey, Hubby, I won a gDiaper. I'm SO excited!" And Hubby answers, "Oh, yeah?" Or when you say, "Guess what, Hubby... I'm pregnant!" And, Hubby answers, "Oh, yeah?" A little emotion would be super, dear. But, I did think it was awesome how he came through a little just in time to secure a little action for himself. Again, nice.

3. Jillian's awkward first comments to Ed's parents: "You guys would not believe what your son has been putting me through!" Came off a little odd and uncomfortable to me. Not to mention it was perfect foreshadowing for events to come.

2. Ed's dad. The emotion... I wasn't sure how to feel about it, and I'm a little afraid for her to dump the guy 'cause I don't want his dad to be all busted up about it. However, I'm assuming this stuff is hereditary because Ed acted like a girl later in the show, too.

1. Ed, Ed, Ed... this was his night, man. He stole the show with his inability to perform. Wow! Is this like a recurring problem? Is this what Jill has to look forward to for the rest of her life? Ed's too tired, or nervous, or stressed and he can't make the magic happen? He's a girl! If the conditions are not exactly right, no dice. Imagine their wedding night! I know they won't be the first couple to skip the wildness in favor of sleep, but for these two it's like a foregone conclusion, it's not happening. And, then he asked her to give him the opportunity to show her how much he loves her. Um, yeah, Pal, I did and you missed it because you were too tired. I can't believe she picked him. Not because you can't love someone you haven't "slept" with (Ed), more because it's hard to compare him to someone you did (Reid). And, does he really have a chance against swagger-licious, Kiptyn? I'd venture to say he's makin' it happen in the bedroom.

Just to show I'm not a total cold-hearted snake, I have to admit feeling a few pangs about Ed's predicament. Can you imagine having to discuss your, er softness, on TV in front of millions of women (and men, possibly even worse)? If Jill doesn't pick him, they better make him the next bachelor because otherwise his chance at scoring a chick are pretty unlikely. I don't know about you, but an unemployed ('cause you know he only came back b/c they cut him anyway), impotent (maybe only occasionally, but still, the thought), bachelorette reject is not my idea of a good catch. Just sayin'.

Can't wait to see what she says about everyone's favorite bachelor, Wes. The reunion show should be memorable.

And, then the moment I've been waiting for since the beginning of the season: the finale. Which, like always, is sure to be the "most emotional final rose ceremony yet".

So excited!